by Martha Mavon Friday '56 Executive Director of the Women's Center and Shelter of Greater Pittsburgh 

It was interesting to me to see copy from Wells that described me with "a gentle but direct manner." Quite recently I heard myself being introduced as a speaker to a non-profit management class as a person who mentions "the elephant in the room." This phrase is probably self-explanatory although it is borrowed from drug and alcohol counseling language. I know this is true now and a former and current Women's Center and Shelter staff in the room today will surely agree. What I really did not know until I attended my 40th Reunion at Wells last year is that I was like that then. I heard more than one story describing something I said that I could only comment, "Did I say that?" 

This trait was reinforced at Wells and to the degree it is an asset, I am grateful. In my senior year I had to seek out Professor Hallwachs, the brand new head of the English department for a schedule change. This caused him to know my name. During his first day of teaching in his first class at Wells he asked for comments on his interpretation of a modern novel. When no one responded, he called on the only name he knew - mine. Taken a little by surprise, I told him I saw a very different meaning and said why. Maybe if I had been planning how to impress him I would not have chosen this response; however, the important aftermath was his repeating this exchange to subsequent classes and stating my comments were important and valid. That seemingly small thing was really quite important validation. To me this was saying young women can think, they can have a different interpretation or vision, and it is important to say it. Domestic violence programs began as women found their voices, broke the silence, and named the problem. 

As I thought about what I would say here today it became clear to me there is a surprisingly strong parallel between the mission of Wells College and the mission of the Women's Center and Shelter. Both of our missions are about empowering women. 

Wells is an educational institution and the Women's Center and Shelter does educational counseling. Like Wells, we assist women to be in a position to make choices about their lives. To this day many observers are surprised we do not tell women what to do or what choices to make about their lives and future. We do assist them through education and by generating more options than most people can generate by themselves. One memory that haunts me is from an experience I had in Russia when I was meeting with Russian women about developing domestic violence programs. Prior to a formal presentation, I gave my paper to my interpreter. It was very long and of all the words there was one she could not translate and that was options. Options - the core of what we value, the core of what we know works and the core of what makes us different and non-totalitarian. 

Certainly Wells is promoting women's leadership; so is the Women's Center and Shelter. I have been especially fortunate to be able to play out my belief that women as leaders will do some things differently - perhaps less war-like, more win-win and more sharing of power - while still being able to pay attention to the bottom line. Recently, after raising $5,000,000, we gutted a great, large old building, built in 1919 as a Pierce Arrow dealership, (some of you will know what a Pierce Arrow is), and created a wonderful new space on time and on budget. How did I make that happen? I made it happen by hiring a talented man as project manager, from site selection to completion, with a team of our staff working closely with him. I should add with a little more help from my friends, especially my husband. I think of this as something I gained from a liberal arts education. You don't have to know everything but learn how to find what you need. I think this was first articulated by my mother and father and then reinforced by Wells. 

I would like to say that formal education will guarantee domestic violence will not erupt to destroy a family. This is not yet true, but eventually it can be. Unlike Wells, our ultimate goal is to be out of business. Most of us who work in domestic violence programs are ultimately optimistic. We should be as this is a social problem and a public health problem that was not even named 25 years ago. There has been tremendous progress not just in the proliferation of domestic violence programs all over the world but also in changing systems through legislation and public policy. It has been exciting to be involved in the systems change work. I have been part of a network that identifies the change needed, shapes the legislation and/or policy, and goes after it. 

To the end of putting ourselves out of business we developed prevention programs, and we now have age-appropriate curricula for Kindergarten-12th grade. Our programs are in tremendous demand in the schools because they are flexible, realistic, and work for students not only as domestic violence prevention (and intervention) but also to reduce inappropriate school behavior. Our school teams are gender and racially balanced deliberately modeling working together with respect. It is the first lesson. 

Most of what both institutions do and have to offer involves some kind of communication. I took one foreign language at Wells and one in high school. Now I speak several more. I speak research and evaluationese as in baseline, benchmarks, and tertiary prevention; social service jargon as in at-risk people and high-risk behaviors; feminist theory as in male privilege and safe space; corporate and government jargon as in C.O.B.R.A. and FASB; multicultural vernacular as in diss; computerspeak as in pathway not found; medical and psychiatric terminology as in morbidity and mortality and DSM Ill, to name a few. For awhile I was fluent in architectural and construction lingo as in HVAC and non-orthogonal (that is the shape our new building turned out to be, creating some interesting architectural challenges), but I am losing my fluency since our building was completed.

I remain comfortable speaking in sound bytes as needed. Fortunately, I was an English major and learned to pay attention to words. I am right on top of the current extensive use of egregious. I mastered paradigm shift but I suspect it is passé, and I am not using it now. Also, I should not forget to include legalese. I speak a great deal of that along with some policespeak as in shirts and perps. 

You can probably tell in a domestic violence program we look for the humor around us, and it is there. Not only do the staff and volunteers find and reward humor - even if it is M*A*S*H-like at times, but we actively encourage it for clients. Believe it or not. for shelter residents we have a mandatory fun-group on Friday nights. 

People from all over the world come to visit our program. We somehow communicate, sometimes with interpreters, sometimes haltingly, whatever the language, but it is always a great experience. Last year women from six different third world countries visited. In the course of the conversation I told them about a strong anti-domestic violence pamphlet produced by the National Council of Catholic Bishops. Some days later their sponsor asked them what they would be taking back to their countries from the U.S. They said they wanted to take the pamphlet I mentioned. Actually, they said they wanted the pamphlet "where all those bishops said women should not be subservient." That is not really how I phrased it, but it is how they heard it. Shortly after that I sat next to Bishop Wurhl at a taskforce meeting and told him the story. One of the pamphlets he helped create, handed to me by one of our board members, ultimately went to six different countries trying to develop domestic violence programs. We were both very pleased, if not awed, by the whole thing. 

One of the most significant affirmations we received recently came from the new director of all our county human service agencies with a $400 million budget. He said we are the model of how to create and deliver social services because of the way we have "patched together" our funding and created broad services. I enjoyed it because "patched together" is accurate. I might rephrase this sometimes by saying we are a public-private partnership not fettered by the constraints of categorical funding. We have been able to innovate, create, and collaborate. We are not funding driven but we are flexible and fast when we see new opportunities. It takes very sophisticated accounting software to keep up with our patchwork. 

We remain continually awed by the impact we have on women's lives and sometimes we do not hear about it until years later. This is an excerpt from a letter we received this month about our kind of education paving the way for more formal education: 

"A few years ago I was in your shelter. I will never forget that night. I had nowhere to go and was terrified of my abusive husband. He used to tell me I was too stupid to even open our mail. On May 10, 1997, I will receive a bachelor of science degree with high honors.... You helped make a dream come true for me by enabling me to escape from a nightmare."

This is why domestic violence, on balance, is exciting and rewarding. Although I have spoken about parallels and similarities, I want to conclude by emphasizing our major difference. I hope for Wells that you remain a strong and dynamic part of women's lives; and for the Women's Center and Shelter, I hope we ultimately will go out of business because there is no need. 

Delivered Saturday, May 31, 1997 in Phipps Auditorium at Wells College